Jokes that never get old

Clean, timeless and groan-guaranteed.

• Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

  Reveal punchline

  Because they make up everything.

  science

• What do you call fake spaghetti?

  Reveal punchline

  An impasta.

  food

• Why did the scarecrow win an award?

  Reveal punchline

  He was outstanding in his field.

  classic

• What do you call a bear with no teeth?

  Reveal punchline

  A gummy bear.

  animal

• Why can’t a leopard hide?

  Reveal punchline

  Because it’s always spotted.

  animal

• I told my computer I needed a break…

  Reveal punchline

  and now it won’t stop sending me KitKats.

  pun

• Why did the math book look so sad?

  Reveal punchline

  It had too many problems.

  classic

• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

  Reveal punchline

  A carrot.

  food

• How does a penguin build its house?

  Reveal punchline

  Igloos it together.

  animal

• Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

  Reveal punchline

  They don’t have the guts.

  classic

• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

  Reveal punchline

  Nacho cheese.

  food

• Why did the bicycle fall over?

  Reveal punchline

  It was two-tired.

  pun

• What did the ocean say to the beach?

  Reveal punchline

  Nothing — it just waved.

  classic

• Why are physicists so good at parties?

  Reveal punchline

  They know how to be in their element.

  science

• How do you organize a space party?

  Reveal punchline

  You planet.

  science

• What do you call a fish with no eyes?

  Reveal punchline

  A fsh.

  animal

• Why did the coffee file a police report?

  Reveal punchline

  It got mugged.

  food

• What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping?

  Reveal punchline

  A dino-snore.

  classic

• Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

  Reveal punchline

  They’d crack each other up.

  food

• What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit?

  Reveal punchline

  A blood orange.

  food

• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

  Reveal punchline

  In case he got a hole in one.

  classic

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

  Reveal punchline

  A depresso.

  food

• What do you call a pig that does karate?

  Reveal punchline

  A pork chop.

  animal

• Why are chemists great at solving problems?

  Reveal punchline

  They have all the solutions.

  science

• I used to work at a bank…

  Reveal punchline

  but I lost interest.

  pun

• What do you call a belt made of watches?

  Reveal punchline

  A waist of time.

  classic

• What do you call a dog that can do magic?

  Reveal punchline

  A labracadabrador.

  animal

• Why did the tomato turn red?

  Reveal punchline

  Because it saw the salad dressing.

  food

• What do you call an educated tube?

  Reveal punchline

  A graduated cylinder.

  science

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

  Reveal punchline

  It’s impossible to put down.

  pun

• What did the janitor shout when he jumped out of the closet?

  Reveal punchline

  Supplies!

  classic

• How do you catch a squirrel?

  Reveal punchline

  Climb a tree and act like a nut.

  animal

• Why did the banana go to the doctor?

  Reveal punchline

  It wasn’t peeling well.

  food

• I would tell you a construction joke…

  Reveal punchline

  but I’m still working on it.

  pun

• Why did the picture go to jail?

  Reveal punchline

  Because it was framed.

  classic

• What is a physicist’s favourite snack?

  Reveal punchline

  Fission chips.

  science

• What do you call a sleeping bull?

  Reveal punchline

  A bulldozer.

  animal

• How do you make an egg laugh?

  Reveal punchline

  Tell it a yolk.

  food

• I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

  Reveal punchline

  Then it hit me.

  pun

• Why did the student eat his homework?

  Reveal punchline

  The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

  classic

• What do you call an alligator in a vest?

  Reveal punchline

  An investigator.

  animal

• Why did the sun never go to college?

  Reveal punchline

  It already had a million degrees.

  science

• Why was the cucumber stressed?

  Reveal punchline

  It was in a pickle.

  food

• I’m on a seafood diet.

  Reveal punchline

  I see food, and I eat it.

  pun

• What did one wall say to the other wall?

  Reveal punchline

  I’ll meet you at the corner.

  classic

• Why do cows wear bells?

  Reveal punchline

  Because their horns don’t work.

  animal

• Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

  Reveal punchline

  Because they’re shellfish.

  food

• Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded?

  Reveal punchline

  There was nothing left but de-brie.

  pun

• Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

  Reveal punchline

  He wanted cold, hard cash.

  classic

• What is a cat’s favourite colour?

  Reveal punchline

  Purr-ple.

  animal

• Why are stars so good at their jobs?

  Reveal punchline

  Because they really shine.

  science

• Why did the coffee taste like dirt?

  Reveal punchline

  Because it was ground this morning.

  food

• I used to play piano by ear…

  Reveal punchline

  but now I use my hands.

  pun

• Why did the clock get in trouble at school?

  Reveal punchline

  For tocking too much.

  classic

• What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

  Reveal punchline

  So-fish-ticated.

  animal

• What did the biologist wear on a first date?

  Reveal punchline

  Designer genes.

  science

• What do you call cheese spelled backwards?

  Reveal punchline

  Edam.

  food

• Time flies like an arrow.

  Reveal punchline

  Fruit flies like a banana.

  pun

• What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

  Reveal punchline

  A stick.

  classic

• What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

  Reveal punchline

  Frostbite.

  animal